


now i'm holding on for dear life, there's no way that we could rewind (there's nothing after midnight that could make you stay)

by blindedbythetomlinsun



Series: spideypool week [5]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Day 5, Deadpool Thought Boxes, Gen, Jet Black Heart, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, SpideyPoolWeek, Wade needs a hug, White and Wade are in denial, Yellow knows what's up, based off of a 5sos song that kills me lmao bYE, holy shit this is making me bummed out, they're actually pretty comforting in this fic and don't exist purely to make wade feel like shit, this is actually really saddening oh my god, this is fucking sad af, wow ive never really written angst before
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 10:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4743638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blindedbythetomlinsun/pseuds/blindedbythetomlinsun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wade has always been good at winning games.</p><p>This time, winning has never felt so bitter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	now i'm holding on for dear life, there's no way that we could rewind (there's nothing after midnight that could make you stay)

**Author's Note:**

> FUCKING ANGST JESUS CHRIST
> 
> Written for Spideypool Week! Day 5: Angst.
> 
> I'm actually really excited for this one because it's sad. Yay, pain. Ha. Aha ha.
> 
> Listening to the songs really amps up the feels.
> 
> Please let me know if there are any mistakes (spelling, punctuation, characterization, etc).
> 
> { White }  
> [ Yellow ]

(i used the angstiness of [this song](http://jbhyooooo.weebly.com/uploads/1/0/3/5/10350805/jetblackheart_mix1.mp3.mp3.mp3) and [this song](http://jbhyooooo.weebly.com/uploads/1/0/3/5/10350805/the_girl_who_cried_wolf.mp3) for inspiration; first song [lyrics](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/5secondsofsummer/jetblackheart.html) and second song [lyrics](http://www.metrolyrics.com/girl-that-cried-wolf-lyrics-5-seconds-of-summer.html).)

(also [on tumblr](http://minorkey.tumblr.com/post/128511332577/now-im-holding-on-for-dear-life-theres-no-way))

 

Every day, ever since Wade had first uttered those three special words, they would repeat them so often that it became a routine.

"I love you," would be the first thing Wade said in the morning after waking, and the last thing Peter said at night before bed.

The two of them never got tired of saying those words, always fitting them into every day sentences.

~

"Wade, we need more milk so I'm just off to the store to get some, okay? I love you!"

~

"Petey, these pancakes are great - almost as delicious as mine! I love you."

~

"Wade, I love you, but this movie sucks. Change the channel."

~

"I love you, baby boy, but you really need to stop complaining about the cold and cuddle over here with me."

~

Wade and Peter never went a day without saying those words at least once, and they were both more than content with that. Everything between them was just so _easy;_ it was all so sickeningly domestic in the best way possible. They were practically married.

[ Is it too early to propose? ]

{ Maybe. I always thought Peter would propose first. }

[ True. We should take initiative! ]

{ Let's just wait. We have a good thing going here. }

[ _Fine._ ]

* * *

 "It's funny," Wade said, comforting a groaning Peter, "I tell you time and time again that I always win, and yet you always try and beat me."

"You're such a dirty cheater," Peter complained, throwing the controller onto the couch beside him as he slumped against Wade.

"Not my fault I rock at Mario Kart," Wade replied smugly, shrugging.

"You kissed me to distract me!" Peter protested.

"Kissing you _and_ winning a game, man I'm just on a roll," Wade sang, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend's shoulders. "Aw, don't look so glum, baby boy! I love you."

Peter rolled his eyes, shoving the older man a little.

"No way, I love you more."

Wade's eyes glittered at the prospect of a challenge, and thus, their little game began.

"No way sweetums, I love _you_ more."

"Wade, seriously, _I_ love _you_ more, now shut up."

"Peter, you can't just begin a game and expect me to not try and win!" Wade whined.

"Too bad, because I started this game and I intend to win it," Peter retorted, leaning in to peck Wade on the lips briefly. He smiled at Wade fondly, unable to contain how _happy_ he was with Wade. "I really do love you," he murmured.

Wade nodded, smiling in return.

"I know. But I love you more."

Peter groaned, smacking the mercenary with a pillow.

"Shut up!"

* * *

 "I love you," Wade greeted, grinning at Peter as he shifted on their shared bed.

"Love you more," Peter mumbled automatically, eyes still closed as he snuggled into the covers.

"No, I love you more," Wade yawned, cuddling Peter.

"No, I love y'more," Peter replied almost incoherently as he drifted back to sleep.

Wade felt his eyes droop again and decided to let Peter have this round.

[ What? We have to win! He's asleep, c'mon, say it and we can win this one! ]

"Sleep."

{ Shut up, Yellow. _Sleep_. }

[ _Fine._ ]

* * *

 "I love you," Peter said happily after a movie marathon one afternoon.

"I love you more," Wade replied, grinning at him.

"No, I love you more," Peter argued, shoving him.

"No way baby boy, I love you _way_ more," Wade laughed, kissing Peter's head.

"Shut up, Wade, _I_ love _you_ more," Peter insisted, smile wide.

"When are you ever going to give up?" Wade pretended to complain, rolling his eyes.

"When it becomes clear that one of us has won," Peter replied easily.

"That person's gonna be me," Wade crowed.

Peter shook his head, eyes determined.

"Hell no. It's gonna be me, just you wait and see."

* * *

 As the months came and went, Wade found himself falling more and more in love with Peter, if that were even possible. It seemed as though every day he fell in love with his little Spider just a little more.

"I love you, baby boy," Wade said one day, just because.

Peter glanced up in surprise, but replied nonetheless with a small smile, "I love you more."

Wade shook his head, hugging the shorter boy closer as he nuzzled his neck.

"Nah, it's totally clear that I love you more," Wade murmured against his soft skin.

Peter scoffed, shaking his head a little, but offered no more argument.

Wade found that odd, but decided that it didn't matter too much. It meant that he won this round, after all.

[ Shouldn't Peter have answered ...? ]

{ He probably just let us win. It's kinda early anyways. }

[ He usually puts up more of a fight ... ]

{ It's probably nothing. }

Wade nodded in agreement.

* * *

 "Where're you goin', baby boy?" Wade called from his spot on the couch as he watched Peter shrug on his jacket and head for the door.

"Just out, I'm kind of in the mood for a walk," Peter replied, slipping on his shoes.

"You're so lame," Wade teased, but sent his boyfriend a wave nonetheless. "Alright, have fun. I love you!"

Peter shot Wade a small smile and waved back before opening the door.

"Love you, too," he replied before closing the door behind him.

Wade frowned in confusion, staring at the closed door as if it would hold all the answers if he squinted at it enough.

[ He didn't play the game today. ]

{ He said he loves us, what more do you want? }

Wade shook his head and turned on the TV, sure that it wasn't a big deal, but the nagging feeling wouldn't leave him, even after Peter returned hours later and made love to him on the couch.

* * *

 On the day of their two-year anniversary, Wade woke up, greeted Peter with the usual exclamation of, "I love you!" and promptly kicked him out of the house.

"I'm attempting to make a surprise," he explained to a confused Peter as he ushered him out of their apartment.

"What for?" Peter asked, the explanation clearly not doing anything to cease his confusion.

[ He forgot? ]

{ He's ... He's a pretty busy guy, let's not blame him. He didn't forget last year ... }

[ But he forgot _this_ year! ]

{ Have faith in our Peter, I'm sure he has good reason. }

[ Maybe ... ]

"Uh, you'll see," Wade replied shakily, determinedly ignoring the boxes. "Just ... don't come back until dinner, okay?"

The puzzled look on Peter's face didn't leave, but he nodded in agreement anyways and dutifully left their apartment.

"I love you!" Wade called down the hall as Peter stepped into the elevator.

If Peter hadn't shot him a smile, Wade would have thought that Peter hadn't heard him at all.

 

"We have to make this night awesome for our baby boy, okay?" Wade told the boxes, who were still upset over Peter's lack of reply earlier. "He's probably just tired and got a lot on his plate, so we have to make this perfect and relaxing for him."

[ Surely you've noticed he's acting weird? ]

{ Jesus, Yellow, he's probably just tired! Shut the hell up! }

"Woah, _okay,_ " Wade cut in, eyes wide, "enough of that. Let's go find some tablecloth and candles and then we can make some bang-slammin' food fit enough for Gordon Ramsey, aight?"

The boxes agreed, thankfully, and Wade set about flipping through his cookbook for a meal they could share later on.

 

"Welcome home, baby boy!" Wade exclaimed, pulling Peter into a hug. "Head into our bedroom and get changed, your clothes are laid out on the bed."

Peter raised an eyebrow but obeyed his instructions nonetheless, padding into their room.

"Now, we wait," Wade sighed anxiously. The dinner was cooked ([posole with turkey and cute little heart-shaped chipotle gorditas](http://img1.cookinglight.timeinc.net/sites/default/files/styles/400xvariable/public/image/1999/01/9901-posole-turkey-gorditas-m.jpg?itok=j0hSi-KH)), the table set, Wade was dressed, and soon Peter would be as well, and yet Wade couldn't help but feel nervous.

Last year Peter had planned the evening, and it was absolutely splendid, and Wade was worried that his idea wasn't as good.

[ Face it, you're worried about something else, too. It goes deeper than that. ]

{ Cut him some slack, he's already nervous enough! He's just concerned about the evening, that's all. Now shut up, Yellow. }

[ _Fine._ ]

"Petey," Wade said suddenly, standing up to look at him properly, "you look great!"

Peter chuckled and ran a hand through his hair in what Wade knew to be a self-conscious gesture.

"Thanks, I should hope so, since you picked this outfit out," he replied, rolling his eyes at the older man.

Wade's stomach twisted slightly when he realized the gesture was no longer done with a hint of fond exasperation.

"Well, I do have good taste," he said, smiling, in an attempt to lighten the mood. He sighed in relief when that earned a playful shove from Peter and a smile, and they both sat down at the table.

"Dinner looks great, Wade, thanks," Peter complimented, beginning to dig in. "Mm, it tastes great, too."

"Anything for you, baby boy," Wade replied, glad that Peter was enjoying the dinner so far. "I love you."

Peter made a noncommittal sound as he continued to eat, and Wade's heart dropped.

"Petey?" he asked quietly, voice unsure.

Peter looked up curiously.

"Yeah?"

"Aren't you gonna, um, you know," Wade replied, gesturing vaguely.

"What?"

{ ... Okay, something is definitely wrong. }

[ No fucking shit. ]

"Tell me you love me more?" Wade finished, his voice nearly above a whisper.

Peter's eyes widened, his mouth dropping open to form an 'o.'

"Wade," he began tiredly, "don't you think that little gag's been getting old by now?"

Wade felt like he wanted to throw up.

[ Holy shit. ]

{ Did .... Did he really just say that? }

"Gag?" Wade repeated, voice small.

Peter sighed, then looked Wade in the eyes.

"Wade, c'mon, that was just a stupid little game. I mean, sure, I meant it, but it gets old after a while, you know?"

"But," Wade began, surprised to find his words failing him. He cleared his throat. "But, you never tell me you love me anymore. Was ... Was that just a game, too?"

Peter had the decency to look sympathetic as he reached over to pat Wade's hand.

"No," he said firmly, and Wade's heart lifted slightly. "I told you, back then, I meant it with all my heart. But ..."

Wade's heart dropped once more.

"But?"

"But that was then," Peter replied, voice quiet. "I'm so sorry, but I don't feel it anymore - I haven't for a few months now. I thought it was just me, that I was tired and it'd come back eventually, but ..." Peter sighed. "I don't even know what this dinner's supposed to be _for_ , Wade. I have no idea why you put all this together. I just, I don't want to do this anymore. I," Peter took a deep breath, "I just don't _love_ you anymore."

For the first time in his life, Wade and the boxes were speechless.

"No," he whispered, shaking his head, not understanding. He didn't fucking _understand_. Where did he go wrong? "What did I do?"

Peter shook his head. "You didn't do anything. I just ... I fell out of love."

Wade didn't know what to do.

"But what happened to, 'I started this game and i intend to win it'?" he asked desperately.

Peter shook his head again. "I'm really sorry, Wade."

Wade sat there, feeling numb. The boxes were uncharacteristically quiet, and he didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

"But Peter," he whispered, not knowing how he wanted that sentence to continue. He looked up at the other man helplessly, refusing to accept this whole thing.

"I shouldn't have let this go on for so long," Peter sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "I should have just ended it the moment I realized I didn't love you anymore, just to save you this."

"Two-year anniversary," Wade mumbled.

"Sorry?"

"Today's our two-year anniversary," Wade repeated numbly, staring at the wall blankly. There was a sharp intake of breath, and Peter gripped the table firmly.

"Shit, Wade, I'm so fucking sorry," he breathed, eyes wide. "I really wish I didn't have to do this today, but ..." Peter trailed off, looking helpless.

Wade only continued to stare at the wall.

 

As Peter packed his things the next day, having slept on the couch the night before to give Wade space, Wade sat in the living room, unable to process that his Petey, his baby boy was _leaving him_.

Peter emerged from the room, luggage in hand and a backpack on his shoulder.

"I, uh, I guess this is goodbye, Wade," he said quietly, looking at the older man.

Wade looked up, expressionless, as Peter stood uncertainly at the door, hand on the knob.

_"When are you ever going to give up?"_

_"When it becomes clear that one of us has won."_

As Peter left the apartment for the last time, he could have sworn that he heard Wade whisper,

"I guess I won the 'I love you more' game."

**Author's Note:**

> I MADE MYSELF CRY WHILE WRITING THIS I HATE IT I HATWE IT HAUEBRW I HATEI TS O MUCH
> 
> I got the idea for this based on this post:  
> http://calliista.tumblr.com/post/111229702155/eazymacmiller-this-is-the-saddest-thing-ive  
> mixed with the song Jet Black Heart by 5 Seconds of Summer.
> 
> Anyways, I'm crying so like just shows how pathetic I am.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are much appreciated! Sorry for anyone who gets sad reading this. Now you know how Wade and I feel.


End file.
